*Photo from Pixabay
I have not felt like writing very much recently. Mainly because no matter what I do, I am constantly being watched for what I write. And if by any chance I say something “wrong” (even with hardly any followers on my blog) an alarm goes out and I am shut down again.
I started this blog to be able first to share things, like a journal, and not affect anyone, and yet get thoughts out of my head, get support, and show others possibly going through the same thing that they are not alone. Second to be able to write poems and stories, etc, and let my creative side spill out and not be held inside. And yet, here it is being held in again because of this.
I have reached a place in my life where I am finding the real me, understanding some things I didn’t before and feeling more myself than I have in such a very long time. I have found that I am an extremely sensitive person of which I thought meant I was needy and over the top. Now I understand it just means that I have a gift for feeling things from others around me in which makes me extra empathetic. Now I understand why I could always put myself in other people’s shoes and feel what they felt and understood their side of things better than most. And why my emotions sometimes were all over the place when in certain situations. And also why I needed and enjoyed being by myself.
It also explained why I felt the need to help those around me and take on their problems when they were not mine to take on. Why I don’t like chaos and want everyone happy around me, so I tried all ways to make those around me happy, even if it meant I was not happy. But I thought I was happy because others around me were.
Understanding these things has put more confidence in me to the point I feel my fire coming back. The light inside of me is growing strong again. I still cringe when someone I love is not happy. But I understand more now, that I have to be happy too and my life has to be lived separately as well as with the ones I love. So that we are all happy in our own way.
Anyway friends, I just wanted to share these things and I am finding my voice again and my confidence in my writing and love of creativity. Hopefully, because of this, I will have some things to share very soon.
Until then, stay well. Keep an open mind and keep learning in life and in you.
Belle xo
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